Joy Tolentino

Gents & Fellas, Meet fem-fATL‘s June Eyecandy, Joy Tolentino…

An extremely beautiful and talented individual, who is also one of fem-fATL‘s down to earth homegirls.  Joy comes straight from the Bay area, San Francisco, and has been gracing us with her presence in ATL for a few years.  She is one of the best hairstylists in the A, this girl knows how to work the shears and the dye, and can create magic on that scalp!!, lol.  But ON TOP OF ALL THAT she is a singer with a beautiful soulful singing voice, and has been singing since she came out the womb!  She would always get serenaded by her father and uncles, which would inspire her and her musical career even more. 

Soupcoolers!! lol (inside joke)

Get to know Joy:

Bday: January 23

Sign: Aquarius

Race: Filipino

Her Goals: There’s a lot I want to do…so to sum it up, I want to be a humanitarian, be a role model through my music & my everyday lifestyle, an entrepreneur, to travel the world & leave behind an awesome legacy when I pass.

Her Educational Background: I went to Cosmetology school [I'm a hair & makeup stylist] & I took vocal lessons? LOL

Her Hobbies: Good food, watching anime, read mangas [ya I'm a nerd], playing video games [I have my own DS], laughing…a lot, writing, dancing, going on adventures, shopping, cooking, hanging with the people I love [Family & Friends], quoting “Anchorman” & Dane Cook.

Her Favorite Music: I’m inspired by so many types of music. As of right now, my top 5 in rotation: Ellie Goulding, Paramore, Justin Timberlake, Little Brother & Brooke Fraser

Her Favorite ATL hangout spots: Wherever my friends are promoting at, I’ll probably be there [Shout out to Cobra Corps, WhiteLight & Noize Industry]

Her Favorite Food: I love all types of food! Filipino, Japanese, Thai, Viet, Mexican, Italian, Cajun… & if I haven’t tried it, I’m always open to try new things. I’m not a picky eater but I do my best to eat the healthy.

What she has to offer a man: Um…A lot of AWESOME. HAHAHA

Her ideal guy: A gentleman, great energy, spiritual, positive, has a great sense of humor/sarcasm lol, during his down time enjoys watching anime or playing video games [Story games are my thing...like Okami or Phoenix Wright], can nerd out at any given moment lol, teach me new things, learn from me too, not a cheater/liar/manipulator/”poser” & isn’t afraid to be himself.

Things that attract her to a man: Originality, great energy, humor, intelligent and a great smile.

What she’s looking for in a relationship: A best friend, awesome teamwork, honesty, lots of laughs, transparency from both parties, enjoys good food, able to teach & learn from eachother, a great support system and not afraid to love.

Interested??? Fellas do your job!!  Contact Joy via Twitter @JoyTolentino & Facebook

Westin ATL

I’ve been to both with my boyfriend so I figured I would share this cute date idea with you ATLiens who are looking for yet another balla-on-a-budget idea.  Here’s what you do…  Around 7 pm, right before dark, you park somewhere near Centennial Park and walk through the park towards the Westin.  You can’t miss the building… it’s the huge cylindrical glass building that says Westin on it. lol By the time you get there, the sun is setting, creating a beautiful view from the top.  It doesn’t cost anything to go to the top, but you do have to get the bell boy to send you up.  Request the bar area and sit where ever the hell you want.  I’m not too crazy about the restaurant area because the food is a little over priced for it’s quality and portion size… so I definitely suggest the bar for a couple drinks and a cozy ambience for good conversation.  By the way, it is called the SunDIAL because the floor rotates in a complete 360 giving you an amazing view of the city from the top.  You can dress casually cute or to impress.  This date will probably cost you $5-$10 bux for parking and about $25 bux for drinks at the Sundial (or more if you guys want to get f*cked up…lol jk).  And hey… who says a date has to be with a love interest?  This is a cute sex in the city spot for your girlfriends or even out of towners.  Enjoy ;o)

fem-fatl.com BOTM June 2010 photo by Rodinis Photography

Ladies!!! fem-fATL would like to introduce you to June 2010′s Bachelor of the Month: Craig Sutters

It is a total coincidence that June’s B.O.T.M. is also 23 and a photographer/model… and down to earth!!!  Mr. June is a true gentleman, a family man, a go-getter, and always dressed on point… the kind of man that women in the ATL are looking for!!!  When you see him, he’s the epitome of cool, calm, and collective.  When you speak to him, you realize that he’s very sweet and charismatic… and can actually carry a conversation.  He has a lot going on for himself (check out his websites at the bottom), yet he’s still very grounded and humble.  Show the man some love!!! (while you can… cuz there is no reason he is still on the market)

Model AND Photographer ;o)

His Hobbies: Photography, Music, Basketball, Motorcycles, Traveling, and  spending quality time with the people I love.

What are you lookin at Craig?

Favorite ATL hangout spots: I used to spend lots of time riding my motorcycle to the cycle bars. More recently, I find myself at Atlantic Station or trying to discover a new place to chill. I am a real big outdoors person. Atlanta weather can be great… sometimes.

His Favorite Food: My favorite food is pasta, chicken alfredo. But I love to cook and taste the foods of the world as well. Good drinks and company complement good food.

His Ideal lady: My ideal lady has brains first, then looks. I’ve dated pretty girls who were dumb, and I owe myself an apology. Most importantly, my ideal lady is is going to upgrade me, not be a hinderance. I don’t mind babysitting… babies; not girls. Other than that, all the usual stuff… honesty, unselfishness, and just a bit of attitude to keep me [or anyone who tests her in check].

"You could be the woman in this picture." lol

Interested??? Hit him up: http://www.facebook.com/craig.sutters or twitter.com/cmacsutt

And be sure to check out his website: www.cmacsutt.com

and www.pbperiod.com

damn... lol

Finding some one you absolutely want to be with can be exciting and can make you feel giddy.  Breaking up with someone you no longer want to be with can be painstakingly difficult and can make you feel guilty.

This is a decision that you have thought over the pros/cons (whether this amount of thinking comes quickly or slowly) and now you’re ready to unleash the inner turmoil that ur heart and mind have been contemplating.  Frequent concerns include: hurting the other person’s feelings, looking like an asshole to friends/family, and dealing with the change that comes from a break up.    What is the best way to go about this from a fem-fATL perspective?

"No, I'm just playing a heartless joke on you.. yes, b*tch, that's what I said!"

Whether you are a male or female breaking up with your partner, the key is to be downright HONEST and to do it face-to-face (not on facebook, twitter, text, email, phone, and definitely not thru a mutual friend).

“Sometimes you have to say goodbye to the wrong people before you can say hello the right one.”

The end of a relationship is just as important as the beginning, so why should communication be any less important?  You once were honest and able to tell this person how you felt about them, so continue to do this until the END.  And the same way you didn’t want to waste time in the beginning and drag feelings around before stating what the relationship was, don’t waste time in the end by prolonging a state of confusion, heartbreak, and a ton of cover-ups for how you really feel and what you really want.  You will fail if you try to make everyone happy in life… And you will especially fail if you think you can slip out of a relationship without hurting anyone’s feelings.

IT IS WHAT IT IS

Understand that a BREAK UP is one of those shitty things in life that we all experience so that we can appreciate the thrilling moment of hooking up with the right person.  Here is a simplified 5 step approach to break up with someone:

1) Find the right time to confront ur partner.  We all have shit going on in our lives, but there may be some major stuff going on. Have some sensitivity to their situation but don’t drag it out.  Also don’t try to have this convo while driving home, on the way to work, or when you both don’t have enough time to sit and discuss. Use your own judgement as to when ur soon-to-be ex can handle the break up.
2) Tell them in person.  There isn’t any other more respectful and clear cut way than in person.  If you can look some one in the eye and tell them how it is, the point can come across clearly and with more girth.  Of course, if you are trying to break up with someone who could cause u danger, pulling a tupac shakur on their ass would suffice.
3) Be as straightforward and honest as possible. “I realized that I don’t want to be in this relationship with you anymore and don’t want to lead you on in any way…” instead of saying anything else that would give the other person false hope or room to misconstrue how you feel.  Quick and straight to the point is how all 4 of us would want this news.
4)  Cut the quantity and quality of communication. You can’t break up with some one and still be the same with them.  If u are gonna let go, u have to allow that person to let go too.  Only after time and healing can communication occur with out raw feelings.  Sometimes people confuse those feelings with guilt and end up staying in relationships for those reasons alone.
5). Allow the seperation to occur.  Take down old pics, get rid of their toothbrush in your bathroom, buy a new comforter set… do whatever it is you gotta do to keep yourself moving forward with your own decision.  If you don’t stand by your decision, you won’t be convincing to those around you, esp. your ex, that you are trying to move on.

Many of us have dealt with break ups before and as we look back on them,  we could probably all agree that TIME heals all wounds.  Time is something you don’t have control over and you can never get back, but you do have control over how you manage that time.  Manage wisely people.  Best of wishes.

Jeff Kaplan, fem-fATL.com Bachelor of the Month, May 2010

Ladies it is that time again, time to introduce you to our New Bachelor of the Month, “Mr. May”…. Jeff Kaplan (JKap).

Jeff is a 23 year old bachelor residing in the ATL, a self-proclaimed starving artist, musician, model, actor, comedian, photographer, filmmaker… you get the idea. My first encounter with JKap (as he goes by) was years ago before I ever met him in person. I saw his film ‘Snooze’ during a Campus Movie Fest, where his film went on to win the Campus Movie Fest 2006 INTERNATIONAL BEST PICTURE. It was probably not until last year that I officially met JKap at a Lucky party where he was on the job as the events nightlife photographer. JKap is a prolific photographer capturing nightlife, fashion, art, and more. He is also a musical artist – combining his love for music with video production for self produced music videos with a comic flair. If I had to give one word to describe Jeff Kaplan, fem-fATL.com Bachelor of the Month May 2010, I’d say he’s a comedian. So ladies, if you like a guy who can make you laugh.. holla! He’s also a dead ringer for a young Johnny Depp… doesn’t hurt ;o)

Jeff Kaplan, Photo by Russell Dreyer

Jeff Kaplan, Photo By Christy Parry

Age & Bday: 23

Sign: Libra

Race: White

His Goals: While I’m young, I want to focus on my music career. Music allows me to involve all the arts i create. I get to write lyrics, perform, act in my music videos, create my music videos, market and promote, model for photography, dress how i want, etc. As i push my music career i would like to continue acting, auditioning, and creating my own films as often as i can. The acting career should start to become the main focus in my late 20s early 30s. I hope to start a family of my own around the age of 35. At that time i will most likely begin focusing more on the Film Directing and Producing side of the business all the while maintaining to continue acting. There will be countless opportunities that will come with doing all this that I’m sure there will be many other goals that will form but these plans are my core desires. I truly don’t plan to stop doing any of it. I love to do it all and i plan to never stop.

His Hobbies: I find ways to incorporate all my hobbies into my profession. Film, Photography, & Music are my main passions. Check out my website @ www.JKAP.tv

His Favorite Music: I appreciate all types of music. I could listen to anything. It all depends on my mood. At the moment i have Frou Frou in good rotation.

Favorite ATL hangout spots: I work in a lot of ATL hot spots taking pictures for events. I’ve worked in almost all of ‘em. I can enjoy any place with the right mentality and the right people. On nights when I’m not working i like to go have some real fun at places like MJQ, El Bar, Graveyard.

His Favorite Food: Sushi, Great Wraps, & the Sopa De Pollo @ El Toro on Roswell Rd, in Sandy Springs.

His Ideal lady: Someone unique. A girl that stands out. She has to be passionate of something. I must see an independent drive in her. I want her love for me to be consistent and unconditional. Style is very important, i love it when its unpredictable. I must be kept on my toes. I need a girl that every time i see her i smile uncontrollably. i love funky haircuts. Personality is most important. She must have a brain backed with beauty. she must have respect for herself. i dont want a girl that thinks shaking her ass in my face is gonna win me over. She must have an open mind and be a positive person. She must be reasonable. She has to be in many ways better than me. She must make me better than i am without her… Basically a Fem-fATL girl ;o)

Things that attract him to a female: Everything. I can find something attractive in everyone of you.

Okay ladies, now its time for you to do your job!!!

Interested??? Hit him up: http://twitter.com/iamjkap | Facebook

And be sure to check out his website: http://jkap.tv/

Karen (Mother of ATLcutii && UrbanSocialite)

“Mommy, aka “Mama K”, I know raising me has been an adventure for you. From the broken bones to the asthma camp you have always been by my side. Your an amazing woman with a loving heart. I am truly blessed to have you as my mother and grateful for all that you have done for me. I honestly don’t know what I would do without you! I hope that you have a great mother’s day cause you really deserve it. And I hope that you baked a cake for us! Love you with all my heart! Happy Mother’s Day!”

“Mommy-  Words cannot express how grateful I am to have an amazing woman like you in my life.  Not only have I been able to call you “mommy” for the past 24 years, but I have also been able to call you a best friend.  The special bond that we share is rare and one that cannot be replaced.  You have always been there for me, and have been my biggest supporter.  Whenever I am doubting or second guessing myself, your the first person to let me know that I can do whatever I wish to do in life, and that I will succeed.  Through the good and the bad, I know at the end of the day I have someone who will forever have my back and love me unconditionally.   I can only wish to be half the amazing woman that you are.  I love you beyond words. Happy Mothers Day!”

“Dear Lola (Mom & Grandmother, undercover fem-fATL),
I know you haven’t seen me much lately – but few have. You should know that I love you very much and miss you all the time. It’s funny that every mother’s day I feel like I’m 8 again. I always think of my mother as young, beautiful, graceful, stubborn in a good way, comforting, and strong. When I was little I always felt protected by you and I always wanted to hold on- whether it was jumping in the bed with you when I was having nightmares or pretending to be scared of my life in the wave pool at Sea World. I loved playing the part of the baby and I loved my mommy. All this is for sure. Now that I’m 22, things have certainly changed in our relationship. I don’t always see you as much as I’d like. I know sometimes you miss your little girl – “But time makes your bolder, children get older, and I’m getting older too”. I love you mom and even with age you remain the young, beautiful, graceful, stubborn, comforting, and strong woman I also knew you to be.” <3

“Mom, I owe so much of my success to you… And there’s really no limit to the amount of appreciation that I can give back to you. I’ll always try though! Thank you for all the sacrifices that you’ve made for us and for teaching us to work hard for anything we wanted in life. You are always going to be the strongest person I know. And now its truly your turn to start enjoying the fruits of all your hard work. You deserve all the happiness in the world. Happy Mother’s Day!!! and know that I appreciate you every single day. -Mahalkita”

&& A very special “Happy Mother’s Day!” to fem-fATL‘s own “Just B!!!”

Cute Atlanta Date Guide II

On this Cute Atlanta Date Guide you will be brunching it up at Ria’s Bluebird Restaurant and taking a lovely stroll through the Oakland Cemetery. I know what you are thinking… Brunch for a date? A graveyard? Sure it may be the complete opposite of the dinner & a movie cliche but trust me, this is one cute Atlanta date for the early birds and cool cats (not scaredy cats). This date will be located in and around Memorial Drive.

So, I was thinking… we should do brunch

I love brunch. Who doesn’t love brunch? If you don’t love brunch, you’re no fun. Us fem-fATL ladies love getting brunch together on the weekends and girl chatting it up. Our brunch pick would have to be Murphy’s in the Virgina Highlands area, but brunch isn’t just for girl talk. Yes – it makes for a quirky and exciting date. I’d say, brunch dates aren’t really for a first date, maybe not even a second, but certainly a third! Think about it. Dinner dates are so ordinary and formal, but brunch is like ‘OK we’re cool now. let’s hang’. Brunch is also fun because since you normally see your date in the evening, you get to see a new side of them. Who knows, maybe they are more of a morning person and you’ll even like them more. Maybe they have awful casual clothes!

The brunch I got lined up for you is Ria’s Bluebird on 421 Memorial Drive. They have a cute website, so peek the link and menu (http://riasbluebird.com). Ria’s has southern charm. It’s a small restaurant, with a big bite and cute illustrations. I recommend sitting out on the covered patio, especially since its spring time now. In the winter, the patio is heated so anytime during the year is a good time for patio sitting! Breakfast is served all day and Lunch from 11 to 3PM. On the menu, you can’t go wrong with biscuits & gravy or pancakes. I believe the Biscuit Breakfast is their charmer. Getting brunch is great, because you know you are going to order a cup of coffee. So it’s like a coffee date packed into brunch goodness. You can eat and chill out drinking coffee and talking as much as needed.

Why don’t we take a stroll through the cemetery, why don’t we?

Oakland Cemetery

When you are done eating, it’s time to walk it off with a stroll through the Oakland Cemetery. When you walk out the front door of Ria’s literally walk across the street and you will be able to enter from the left side of the Cemetery. So why the Oakland Cemetery? Well if you have never been through it, it’s simply gorgeous. The Oakland Cemetery is a Victorian styled cemetery with one of the largest plots of green space in Atlanta. During the 19th Century, a ‘rural garden’ cemetery movement began as an alternative to crowded graveyards. The belief was that cemeteries should be for the living as well as the departed. These types of cemeteries include winding paths, large shade trees, beautiful flowers and elaborate sculptures and inscriptions. Basically the Oakland Cemetery is a beautiful walk. And a stroll through the park isn’t all that strange for a date.. now is it?

The Oakland Cemetery is huge, but I would make sure to visit the original 6 Acres where some of the oldest graves are located and the Confederate Memorial Grounds where you can view the impressive ‘Lion of Atlanta’ sculpture that was modeled after the Swiss ‘Lion of Lucerne’ and guards the graves of unknown confederate soldiers. Finally after your stroll, wander south from the main entrance and you will find large areas of green space. Pick a nice shady area to sit down and relax.

The great thing about this date is that since you start early with brunch you have the opportunity to spend the rest of the day hanging out. Also if it is your third date, well it could be the perfect scenery for  a first kiss. Have fun kiddos!

April is here, the pretty weather has arrived && ATL is filled with fem-fATL EyeCandy! So now it’s time to meet Brittany, a fierce, beautiful, smart AND single 21 year old Leo from VA & San Diego California, now residing in GA. She attends the University of West GA where she is senior majoring in Marketing.

Get to know Brittany Green:

Bday & Sign: July 29;  Leo

Race: African American

What are your Goals: One Year Goal: Graduate from college, Get an internship and afterwards get a stable job in marketing or enter the Airforce.

Five Year Goal: Become truly independent (without relying on me parents) Become a home-owner. And be financially stable.

Ten Year Goal: Haven’t gotten that far yet.

Hobbies: Shop, meditate, read, movies, rap with “me” home girls in LSD3 (look us up on youtube) and play outside

Favorite Music: Me love Hip Hop, Pop, Anything new and different

Favorite ATL hangout spots: Atlantic Station (yea it’s lame) Opera and Life

Favorite Food: Grilled Chicken anything, Pizza and chocolate anything

What you have to offer a man: I’m a goal oriented person, I’m extremely positive, I’m down for anything and I love trying and experiencing new things. I’m rarely ever involved in drama and i’m a jokster so if you need a smile you can count on me:)

Your ideal ATL guy: I have a list actually

#1 Christian

#2 Has a JOB

#3 Has a car

#4 Is in School or has been to school (preferably college)

#5 Has a great relationship with his mother

#6 Is extremely nice

#7 He’s gotta be funny

#8 He’s gotta be fine

Things that attract you to a man: Other than my list, some one who’s a good listener (even if you’re not really listening). Someone who’s non-confrontational, happy, positive, has goals and dreams and someone who can make me laugh (so I’m not the only one crackin all the jokes)

What your looking for in a relationship: Not too sure if a “relationship” is what I’m looking for right now but if I were I’d be looking for someone I could tell all my secrets too. Someone who’s REALLY REAL, no fronts or fascades. A relationship where anything is open for discussion because really communication is the key to any relationship whether it be a girlfriend or boyfriend, or mom or brother or any connection you’re wanting to have with someone. If you’re not talking what are you doin!!??

Here is Brittany & the rest of the LSD3 girls (you may recognize “ChinaGirlRadio” who was also featured on fem-fATL before) && Keep in mind that the lyrics are just a joke!:

Follow Brittany on Twitter! && Add her on Facebook!

Ladies it is that time again, time to introduce you to our New Bachelor of the Month, “Mr. April”….Anthony Ingram.

Anthony is a 23 year old bachelor originally from CALI, Los Angeles to be exact.  Anthony is very intelligent and is an extreme people person.  He loves to be surrounded by people who exude positive energy.  He is a great guy to know, you can always catch him flashing his killer smile, and you can plan to always have a blast whenever your around him. He attends Ga State University, where he is studying Business Economics.  Besides that, his passion is music, and he is now achieving his dreams by launching DreamCatcher Entertainment.  Anthony is an extremely sweet guy, who is single and ready to find the ATL lady that will change that.  Don’t let this musical and entrepreneurial good looking guy get away!

Anthony Ingram

Age & Bday: 23

Sign: Sagitarius

Race: Black

His Goals: To be successful and Enjoy Life… Entrepreneurial Spirit since the age of 6. I plan on operating several business ventures so that eventually I will have multiple streams of revenue to ensure and sustain Financial Stability
Educational Background: Georgia State University

His Hobbies: MUSIC! I absolutely LOVE music… It makes my soul happy, lol. I love hanging with friends and family & entertaining. Figured i might as well fuse the two! Dreamcatcher Entertainment is the offspring, if u will, of my two passions. Lol

His Favorite Music: I love all music from classical to rock but i would have to say that R&B is my favorite… More than likely due largely in part to my child hood years when my Pops would play Old School music on Saturdays while waxing his car.  One of my favorite memories.

Favorite ATL hangout spots: Chocolate Soul Lounge – I put on a vocal open mic night every Thursday at The Chocolate Bar, a night of Musical BLISS. 253 Trinity ave. next to Icon and Vice. $5 cover and $5 cocktails ALL night long! LIVE band, GOOD music, GREAT time! Some come out and enjoy with me!

His Favorite Food: Im a cali boy… Therefore my upbringing has a high influence on my favorite food… What other food would a Cali boy love other than MEXICAN! Mmmmmm.. Lol
What he has to offer a girl: What can i offer a girl… Hmmm… Well ideally, im the perfect catch, LOL. Nah, let me stop.  But I have drive, tenacity, passion, and smarts.  Parents LOVE me, lol… Im a Romantic, its the little things some times.  And when I love, i love HARD

His Ideal lady: Respectable and classy. Someone who is about something who also follows her passions and aspirations in life.

Things that attract him to a female: I love an intelligent woman with the looks to match. Physical attributes would include a nice lips, nice smile, straight white teeth,  fit, always on point with an impeccable fashion sense. I LOVE a girl that is fly. So so sexy. lol

Okay ladies, now its time for you to do your job!!!

Interested???  Hit him up: twitter.com/aingram3 |  Facebook.com/dreamcatcherant

And be sure to check out his weekly Open Mic night, hosted by Dreamcatcher Ent.  Every Thurs @ Chocolate Bar in ATL!

Mr. Beckham would get it

On that note,  here is an article that I caught in my mailbox regarding Brett Blumenthal’s 6 signs to a healthy relationship.  I find these components very important and necessary in a relationship.  We can all decide what gives us a HAPPY relationship: what out partner looks like, how much fun we have with this person, how great or how much of a sex life, what kinds of activities we participate in…etc.  But, what about the HEALTHY part of it?  We don’t always look at these aspects, so I thought I would share this with fem-fATL.  If someone reads about these components, they would be able to determine whether they are even ready to take on a relationship from a mature and health standpoint.  You just might realize that you enjoy jacking off and being selfish after all.  If you are dating someone but are not really sure where this relationship is going or not going, read about these components and decide whether you share them with this person or not… advance or digress.  Whether you are with someone who is beating the shit outta you, cheating on you, making you pay all the bills, or keeping you at a standstill in life… any of these major issues could conclude that you are not in a healthy relationship and don’t have any or some of these components.  Why be in a relationship with someone if 3/6 of these ingredients are missing?  That should be a big enough indication that you are not in a healthy relationship and should be out!

Awww she's so pretty!

6 Signs you’re in a healthy relationship by Brett Blumenthal (Sheer Balance, on Tue Mar 9, 2010 6:18am PST)

Our relationships are vital to our mental well-being. However, toxic relationships can really do a number on our happiness and outlook on life. As a result, it is important to look for individuals who possess qualities that allow for healthy relationships. Although, once again, not an exhaustive list, the qualities listed below are those that should be at the very heart of a healthy relationship. And, just as you would expect your friend, family member or loved one to display these qualities, it is just as important to reciprocate.

Loyalty: Whether it’s in friendships or in family, loyalty is truly important to maintain a healthy relationship. All of us are guilty, at one time or another, of making mistakes, having ups and downs, and even displaying some behavior that we may not always be proud of. When we find friends or loved ones who can forgive us and stand by us…even during our worst moments…we should be especially grateful. That said, loyalty should never be taken for granted and we should always be deeply appreciative when it comes our way.

Respect: I once knew an individual who was very opinionated about political topics. She would talk down to people who disagreed with her and would be very disrespectful. Not only did she make people feel stomped on, but she left many disinterested in friendship. Treating others with kindness and the respect they deserve is important in gaining the respect that WE desire. It never feels good to be taken for granted, judged or used and it doesn’t feel good to be talked down to or treated rudely or inappropriately. There will be times that we may not always have full agreement with our friends or loved ones, but respecting them along the way is a must.

Unconditionally There: There is nothing worse than having someone always resurface in your life when they are in need, are looking for something or need a favor. In a culture of “you scratch my back, and I’ll scratch yours,” it is somewhat rare to find those “who just scratch your back,” period. Finding individuals who want you in their lives just because…and not because they want something in return is refreshing and worth holding on to. Those who are generous of heart are to be treasured!

Trustworthy: I once worked with a woman who, within my first week on the job, felt the need to tell me all of the intimate details of the various extra-marital affairs that had occurred with the management of the firm. She was supposedly friends with these people and I have no doubt, was told this information in the most strictest of confidences. How she felt it was appropriate to divulge this information to a new-hire like me, I still have no idea. But, it was her nature to gossip about everyone and everything. If you share something in confidence, you should be able to trust that the information will remain that way.

A Genuine Sounding Board: Taking a genuine interest in what others have to say and really listening to someone is important in developing solid relationships. Letting go of the “me, me, me” and focusing on the other person not only makes the other person feel valued and appreciated, but they feel that they can really talk to someone who cares. Those who take the time to really listen to our thoughts and feelings, and then help us work through difficult times and situations, share our lives at a much deeper level than those who don’t. These are individuals worth hanging on to.

Dependability: I had a friend who frequently would RSVP to small gatherings and then would never show. They never explained…never brought it up…and never apologized. Although this example is somewhat trivial, it still makes the point. Obviously there are times when things come up that prevent individuals from following through on what they promise, but if a friend, co-worker or family member perpetually drops the ball, they may be sending you a message. If a friend says they are going to do something or be somewhere, you should be able to count on them. And, in reciprocation, they you. What traits do you look for in a friend or partner? Are your relationships healthy?