TRUE happiness and love are synonymous.
AND well, you can’t love others until you love yourself.

BUT Loving yourself ain’t the same as fucking yourself.
WE need to love ourselves more.

AND now for a poem:

Loving Yourself Ain’t The Same As Fucking Yourself

Silicon late night sessions,
Self therapy and live action role playing games,
Coming to my own self realization.
A Ménage à trois with me, myself, and I,
Every single Goddamn night! and morning…
I really thought I was self sustained…

Being self aware is like fucking yourself
and knowing what gets you off.
Essentially, you should be your best lover.
But when it comes down to it,
It still just feels like fucking.
And I was just fucking myself over.

I was my own buddy but not a friend,
A lover without a relationship status.
I was using it and getting used.
A player, playing myself. and losing.
I was good, but I was just a trick.
What’s love got to do with it?

Part of me was doing it to feel something,
Plastic up my pussy didn’t fill the void I was thinking.
Sure it felt good, but it didn’t feel like love.
I was confusing myself with the sex,
Boy did I need some self help.
Fucking yourself ain’t the same as loving yourself.

Part of me would even feel a little bad
Like fucking is all i wanted,
Part of me was convinced i wasn’t ready for a relationship.
How the fuck do you get emotional with yourself?
Yet part of me wanted both the icing and the cake.
Only problem was, i wasn’t in love with myself.
—

Alot of women who ‘got it on lock’ – got the money, and the cars, and the career… think because they have this superwoman image of themselves, that to have such success is an indication of their self awareness. Afterall, how could one get so far without realization of their talents and motivations? How could they manage it all without a little bit of “Hakuna Matata” yoga sessions and scheduled stress detoxing wednesday bath nights (candles and Sia music included)? You are so busy you even schedule time for yourself. Yes m’am you are self aware of your flaws, your shortcomings, your lack of time, and above all what gets your ego trippin. You are self sustained… so much to the point that you don’t have time for a relationship, and believe it or not you don’t even care for one. You are even self-sustaining your sexual frustrations.

But listen ladies… being self aware is like fucking yourself and knowing what gets you off. It’s not the same as loving yourself. Think about it. You can have epic sex with a one night stand. You might be lovin’ it at the moment, but hell you don’t even know dudes name and sure as hell don’t love him. It’s no different when it comes to yourself. The point is, if you have thought all this time that your self awareness was doing the job in terms of loving yourself, then you’ve just been fucking yourself over. No wonder despite having it all, you feel incomplete.

Being self aware is like fucking yourself and knowing what gets you off. It’s not the same as loving yourself.

Recognizing your faults via self awareness doesn’t lead to happiness unless you are able to translate that awareness into action. It is never coming to terms with aspects of yourself you cannot change. You can always change. Loving yourself is taking awareness of your shortcomings, being honest with yourself about what needs to change, and then turning awareness into action. For the superwomen out there, part of your self realization should be that it’s okay if you aren’t perfect. And part of your perfection just might be your tragic flaw. Sometimes perfection is the route of all evil and the changes you need to make with yourself is simply to strive less for it.

The fear, I’m sure, of all super women out there is the fear of rejection. It is an indication of low self esteem. And loving yourself is the art of high self esteem. Thus, superwomen across the world may be super, but have low self esteem, and aren’t loving themselves or finding happiness. According to a 2009 article called the “Paradox of Declining Female Happiness” by economists Betsey Stevenson and Justin Wolfers, women are less happy after 40 years of feminism. According to the study, after having more opportunities then ever, women have a lower sense of well-being and life satisfaction. These findings were said to be true for women of different ages, married or not married, with or without children.

women are less happy after 40 years of feminism

Women, we need to understand that self awareness alone does not lead to high self esteem. In fact, your self awareness could inversely affect your self esteem if you realize you aren’t doing shit for your life, you can’t find a suitable lover, or your life isn’t turning out the way you had envisioned. Loving yourself is the only way to build your self esteem? So how to you become intimate with yourself and start loving yourself some more (Loving yourself ain’t the same as fucking yourself)?

Well what would you want from your ideal lover? What’s on your checklist for Mr. (or Ms.) right? Is it attention? Is it someone to tell you you’re beautiful? Is it physical attraction? It is intellect? Is it a sense of humor? The funny thing is, every woman has this checklist of items they are looking for in a companion, which they could turn onto themselves. If it’s attention you seek, then you need to give yourself more alone time. If it’s physical attraction, you should invest in some pampering to make you feel better about your own looks. If it’s humor, then find ways to make yourself laugh. You see loving yourself isn’t simply about setting aside alone time. It’s keeping to the statement of love:  “I’d do anything for you.” It’s being 100% honest with yourself. And its feeling good about yourself (in a non-sexual way).