damn... lol

Finding some one you absolutely want to be with can be exciting and can make you feel giddy.  Breaking up with someone you no longer want to be with can be painstakingly difficult and can make you feel guilty.

This is a decision that you have thought over the pros/cons (whether this amount of thinking comes quickly or slowly) and now you’re ready to unleash the inner turmoil that ur heart and mind have been contemplating.  Frequent concerns include: hurting the other person’s feelings, looking like an asshole to friends/family, and dealing with the change that comes from a break up.    What is the best way to go about this from a fem-fATL perspective?

"No, I'm just playing a heartless joke on you.. yes, b*tch, that's what I said!"

Whether you are a male or female breaking up with your partner, the key is to be downright HONEST and to do it face-to-face (not on facebook, twitter, text, email, phone, and definitely not thru a mutual friend).

“Sometimes you have to say goodbye to the wrong people before you can say hello the right one.”

The end of a relationship is just as important as the beginning, so why should communication be any less important?  You once were honest and able to tell this person how you felt about them, so continue to do this until the END.  And the same way you didn’t want to waste time in the beginning and drag feelings around before stating what the relationship was, don’t waste time in the end by prolonging a state of confusion, heartbreak, and a ton of cover-ups for how you really feel and what you really want.  You will fail if you try to make everyone happy in life… And you will especially fail if you think you can slip out of a relationship without hurting anyone’s feelings.

IT IS WHAT IT IS

Understand that a BREAK UP is one of those shitty things in life that we all experience so that we can appreciate the thrilling moment of hooking up with the right person.  Here is a simplified 5 step approach to break up with someone:

1) Find the right time to confront ur partner.  We all have shit going on in our lives, but there may be some major stuff going on. Have some sensitivity to their situation but don’t drag it out.  Also don’t try to have this convo while driving home, on the way to work, or when you both don’t have enough time to sit and discuss. Use your own judgement as to when ur soon-to-be ex can handle the break up.
2) Tell them in person.  There isn’t any other more respectful and clear cut way than in person.  If you can look some one in the eye and tell them how it is, the point can come across clearly and with more girth.  Of course, if you are trying to break up with someone who could cause u danger, pulling a tupac shakur on their ass would suffice.
3) Be as straightforward and honest as possible. “I realized that I don’t want to be in this relationship with you anymore and don’t want to lead you on in any way…” instead of saying anything else that would give the other person false hope or room to misconstrue how you feel.  Quick and straight to the point is how all 4 of us would want this news.
4)  Cut the quantity and quality of communication. You can’t break up with some one and still be the same with them.  If u are gonna let go, u have to allow that person to let go too.  Only after time and healing can communication occur with out raw feelings.  Sometimes people confuse those feelings with guilt and end up staying in relationships for those reasons alone.
5). Allow the seperation to occur.  Take down old pics, get rid of their toothbrush in your bathroom, buy a new comforter set… do whatever it is you gotta do to keep yourself moving forward with your own decision.  If you don’t stand by your decision, you won’t be convincing to those around you, esp. your ex, that you are trying to move on.

Many of us have dealt with break ups before and as we look back on them,  we could probably all agree that TIME heals all wounds.  Time is something you don’t have control over and you can never get back, but you do have control over how you manage that time.  Manage wisely people.  Best of wishes.