Fellatio sounds like a character in a Shakespeare play (Horatio?) but it’s not.

Horatio/Fellatio ---> HEAD (get it? if not read some literature)

Fellatio is smarty pants vocabulary for oral sex performed on a male. Today I learned that ‘fellacious’ is derived from this activity. Fellacious is slang for describing a pay off or reward with benefits:

Man, that skateboard trick I just landed was fellacious!

That chocolate was better than good, it was fellacious!

(Examples from Urban Dictionary)

So this is the FUCK DOWN report and I’m about to talk about sex. This is so awkward. Let’s just pretend this is an author-less text. Nothing I am about to say is personal. Instead I have been doing some research and pulling information from sex columnists and blogs online.

If you are self conscious, there are a number of books out there that will give you a list of tips and tricks for doing the job, but when it comes down to it there is only one major ingredient and that is enthusiasm.

Guys like it best when you seem into it rather than it’s a chore. If you act like your disgusted by it, don’t even bother. How is a guy suppose to get off if you are acting like your being forced  to do some type of dare like eating worms or bees?

Most guys don’t want the experience for you to be a form of cruel and unusual punishment. The way you approach the activity has everything to do with their own self conscious. If you have a look of laziness or horror on your face, they are going to be self conscious about their man goods (size, sprungness, and taste) and then the entire episode is tragic (or they might be frightened). In this scenario, you then have a person giving who wants no part in the giving and a person receiving who feels bad about the whole thing. Why would you do this? In this case, don’t be like Nike… be like a drug free kid and just say no.

Just Say No

On the flip side- if you are gonna do it, then like it. The act of fellatio has a poor connotation. People have made it out to be a degrading act. The mouth and taste is the least privileged of the five senses in western culture because it is a form of consumption. We totally privilege our perceptual senses: sight and sound. But putting things in the mouth is taking in the world and all its filth… so we get to this idea that fellatio is a filthy act. It also doesn’t help that phrases like ‘suck my dick’ are used in a derogatory way and then the whole act is tied to a male dominating female perspective. Also the placement of the goods and act of the deed creates a physical hierarchy with connotations of the guy being on top of the girl, but… how about we forget all that crap for a moment. Have you thought how the person giving could be the one empowered? Totally, they are the one in control! They are in the drivers seat controlling the stick shift (get my tokyo drift?). It’s actually dude who is in a weak spot. Pleasure is a weakness isn’t it… being so easily taken away? Pleasure is being out of control. So givers, you have every reason to be enthusiastic, you are in control and the deed is a role of empowerment! Empowerment is a great feeling and you can derive joy from it; meaning you can get off from doing while he gets off receiving. That’s why its sex people. Now grab a partner and dosy doe.