“Addiction is the hallmark of every infatuation-based love story. It all begins when the object of your adoration bestows upon you heady, hallucinogenic dose of something you never even dared to admit that you wanted- an emotional speed ball, perhaps, of thunderous love and rolling excitement. Soon you start craving that intense attention, with the hungry obsession of any junkie. When the drug is withheld, you promptly turn sick, crazy and depleted (not to mention resentful of the dealer who encouraged this addiction in the first place but who now refuses to pony up the good stuff anymore- despite the fact that you know he has it hidden somewhere, goddamn it, because he used to give it to you for free. Next stage finds you skinny and shaking in a corner, certain only that you would sell your soul or rob your neighbors just to have that thing even one more time. Meanwhile, the object of your adoration has now become repulsed by you. He looks at you like you’re someone he’s never met before, much less someone he once loved with high passion. The irony is, you can hardly blame him. I mean, check yourself out. You’re a pathetic mess, unrecognizable to your own eyes.”

-Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Love, Pray) <<<AWESOME BOOK

I talk to a lot of ladies in the ATL, from friends to complete strangers, who just can’t seem to get a grip on the dating culture of this city. Many women find themselves “dating unofficially “… meaning they have been investing time and energy into someone (sometimes elasticity of their vagine, money, and feelings) into someone who, after months of careful consideration, have still denied them promotion into the relationship department. Then, the girls find themselves working for the same rate of pay and mediocre benefits, even though they KNOW they deserve better, because they want to stay loyal to a job that they believe will reward them in time. And since everyone is blaming conditions on the economy, so will I… Employers are taking advantage of their employees because … well, ladies… why the f*ck not? You are more economical than him having to do the work himself (sitting at home jacking off to free porn sites) or having to actually pay for another chick to do the work you can do for much less the cost.

"Will I ever be a girlfriend?"

Dating Unofficially means two people are mutually attracted, invested, and interested in each other… and some are f*cking, but for whatever reason- no commitment is negotiated, neither are dating other people (right?), BUT both are uncertain of the boundaries. As a female, you aren’t exactly a MAIN CHICK, but it could be even worse because the guy is simply not claiming you at all. You’re basically the card in his back pocket. This uncertainty can become prolonged… and spiral into a big pile of shit. (sorry, writer’s block.) So ladies, let me go ahead and give you my 50 cents… cuz that’s literally all I have. Lol

Usually, two people are taken away by each other initially due to the laws of attraction and the feminine mystique that you bring to the table. You probably didn’t even want his ass in the beginning! At first, both of you should be engaged and having a good time while testing the waters… but the reality is that neither of you have to make immediate decisions right away, nor should you. However, it’s important to make good decisions about the signals that you send out. You want to let him know you are interested (in your own way) by doing something a little extra than you would normally do… for example, maybe you don’t initiate phone calls normally, so with the guy you like- try initiating phone calls a little more regularly. Basically, leave the door cracked so he has some room to work with. Leaving the door wide open is another bad signal to throw out there if you are looking for a relationship… give him your body, love, and respect in moderation, and with time, because that’s what’s real and that’s the only way he’ll reciprocate those things as well.

After a certain point where you have come to terms with your feelings and decided that you are ready for the next step, COMMUNICATION is necessary in letting that person know what you want. If a man likes you enough, he will tell you, and if he likes you enough to keep you from dating around, he will ask that you see each other exclusively. Often, the communication after a point in time of relations is not clearly and truthfully represented. Ex. Don’t tell a guy you just want to be friends, if you really like him because he will react to your statement and give you the friend card that you asked for. Ego, pride, and fear of rejection along with misinterpretation and reading too deep in between the lines start to consume each player in the game and well… one player will find a way to manipulate the situation without actually telling you straight up that you are not going to get that promotion. If that person is blatantly confusing you, you have to open the lines of communication. There’s no telling what could be going on… he might not be feeling you like that, he might have outside pressures that are preventing him from giving you relationship material, or he might be married. Yikes!  All those things are irrelevant and have no need for justification if he does not want to be with you.  So, get to the point!

You don’t have to spill your feelings for him, but you should be direct about what you want. Look him in the eye and tell him what you want… “I want to take it to the next step with you or just be friends.” Then ask him the direct question, “Do you want to be in a relationship with me or not?” If he responds with a long beat-around-the-bush answer… don’t accept it… tell him you are going to ask again and you want him to sum it up with “yes” or “no”… and ask again. When he gives you the clear-cut response, “no”… you will find that you can move on much quicker because the answer helps remove doubt and guilt that you might possibly be moving on from something that could happen. It is what it is people! T.R.U.S.T. = Totally Relying on Universal Synchronized Timing… because the one that knows what’s good for him will find you and you won’t have any of these issues when you meet him. You’ll be glad that you were able to stop wasting time that you can’t get back! Time is of the essence, so don’t let him or yourself waste your time.