Patient Info: young, attractive, fashion forward, educated, crazy, sexy, cool woman with friends for days, got a place of her own, got a car, got health insurance, and bills paid.

Problem: inability to find a good man so she can change her status to “in a relationship” on Facebook and Myspace

Caught on Single Camera

Diagnosis: SINGLE SYNDROME

Symptoms:

• When all your girls are busy with their dudes, you stay at home watching re-runs of Will & Grace, eating a whole box of Krispy Kremes, and clipping your nose hairs.
• You have a profile on E-Harmony and Match.com that nobody knows about.
• At the next wedding you attend, you plan to hold the bride hostage when she throws the bouquet of flowers.
• Grandma sits you down and says, “Baby, you don’t need a man no way… I’ll accept you no matter who you bring home, so what is her name?”
• Beyonce’s “Me, Myself, and I” song was your song before her first CD even came out… and it still is. lol
• You jump out of the shower butt naked, jump over your couch, roll under your table, and grab your phone to check who sent you a text… it was your dad.
• For the last 5 Valentine’s days in a row, you smoked weed and ate chocolates you bought half off at CVS.
• You thought about tattooing “I HAVE STUFF OF GOLD” on your forehead so guys would try to get to know you.
• When people ask you what men in ATL are like, you often respond with “there are no men for me here because ATL is 98% gay and the other 2% are married or good-for-nothing players.”

Treatment: Take a dose of 10 possible reasons a woman in the ATL experiences Single Syndrome

“And ladies if you follow these instructions exactly
You might be able to pull you a rapper, a NBA player.
Man, at least a dude wit’ a car.”

1) SHE HAS EXPECTATIONS THAT ARE HIGHER THAN A KITE
You want him to be a millionaire, make you laugh like Chris Rock, look like Common, have the body of a UFC fighter and teeth white as rice, drive a benz, have a big “ego”… and be more sensitive than the newest latex condoms.  Girl… this man does not exist! Relationships are about giving and taking, so give and take the good and bad with men that you meet.  Think about your own flaws and imagine a guy dissing you for not meeting their dream girl criteria.  Find out what is really important to you in a person and in a healthy relationship… and let go of the unimportant expectations.

I Don't Need A Man!

2.) SHE PROJECTS AN ATTITUDE THAT SCREAMS “I DON’T NEED A MAN.”
It is a beautiful thing that women are very independent nowadays.  Guys like that women are competent and successful, but they still need to know that they are needed in your life. If a single woman lets it be known that she does not need a man and continuously stomps a guy in the ground because she handles all aspects of her life, including a dinner at Mc Donalds, a man will get the overall message that you just don’t have space for him.  There has to be a space in your world that he can fit in to provide, at least mentally and emotionally.

3.) SHE IS STRAIGHT UP INTIMIDATING TO THE AVERAGE MAN.
Beauty is already an intimidating factor.  Guys in the ATL are outnumbered not only by attractive women, but established women… and this is something that I hear from all straight men in ATL.  It is a given that they are going to be intimidated by a woman who has her shit together.  “Run with thy equals or thy betters… or run alone” is a great excerpt from the bible that I hold close to mind.  This is a great mentality for men and women to follow… so imagine a man trying to be your equal or better.  They got a lot of shit stacked against them when trying to win a woman such as you over.  Don’t get discouraged!  You are very much desirable still.  The best thing to do if you are a super woman is to continue thinking that you are PRIZE and that the right man will come along… but when a guy does come along, be sure to let him know underneath all that armor is a sweet, fun, and loving lady.

I Need That By EOD

4.) SHE TREATS RELATIONSHIPS LIKE A BUSINESS DEAL.
At 4 o’ clock, he is going to call me. At 4:15, we are going to schedule a date.  At 8 o’ clock, we are going to go out for drinks and appetizers.  At 8:30, he is going to lean over and plant a big one on my forehead. ………. SHUT UP! If I was a guy, I would not date you! haha A woman who is on top of her shit is so used to scheduling, meeting deadlines, and tackling projects that she may transfer this business deal attitude in her attempts to date men. This can come across as controlling and actually… it is very controlling.  If a relationship does not happen mutually, it doesn’t matter what time you set up… it would only be a matter of time before this relationship falls apart.

5.) SHE HAS BRANIAC-LIKE CONVO OR NO-GOOD CONVO AT ALL.
So you have a PhD in _________, you work at ________, and you know about__________?  That’s great! And if he has sense, the fact that you are educated would appeal to him.  But, must you really make that the convo at dinner?  For one, you are talking about yourself and your accomplishments making you sound a little self-absorbed. Two, you don’t want to rub it in a guy’s face that you are smarter than them, and Three, that’s gotta be too fuckin’ boring! haha Talk about your academia when asked or share briefly and in spurts, but not the whole time!  He’ll get a sense of your level of education and work ethic, as well as any material gains you’ve collected along the way, through his own exploration of you… and that would be the humble way of sharing your intellectual capacity with him. On the flipside, no-good convo could be just as bad.  If you have nothing to say at all… boring!  If you sit there and complain about your co-workers lazy fat ass… negativity! If you can only talk about the latest shades of nailpolish… lame!  You can’t just be a nicely wrapped present with no content… You gotta be able to communicate and connect.  How?  This might be a challenge for some more than others.  I suppose building confidence helps and perhaps experience.  Just imagine yourself as the receiver of your conversation… and try to generate stimulating convo from that perspective.  Also, certain people can make you open up to them a lot quicker than others.  Maybe the problem with communication is not you, but rather the men that you choose.

6.) SHE HAS SEX WITH MEN WITHOUT ADDRESSING HER NEED FOR MORE THAN SEX.
If a female tells a man, “I’m not looking for a relationship,” she may sleep with him as if that’s all it is to her, just S.E.X. Plenty of females do this nowadays and sure, there will be some who really stick to their guns.  Others only require a little bit of downtime before they realize they want more than hard d*ck and bubblegum.  If you are a single woman who wants to be in a relationship, then you have got to stop fuckin’ without letting these men know what you truly want. Not only that, but you have to at least feel that these men are on the same page as you before allowing him to hit your lotto.  Be direct and ask the simple questions regarding your status if you are unsure.  Most likely your intuition will let you know when a man is not truely interested in you, but 75% of the time we don’t want to listen to ourselves because our female nature wants to believe in change and in good endings. Bullshit! Hearing the sweet truth straight from the mouth of a guy who sells dreams will give us the greenlight to move on.  Besides… Is your stuff really that golden?  Are you sure you are puttin’ it on him?  It is possible that your free sex is just that to him… mediocre free sex.  You get what you pay for, right?! To get to the main point, giving up the goods won’t make a man love you… he’ll give you 5 minutes… ok maybe 6… and you will still be questioning why you can’t find a good man. 

May I have a side of lemon with that?

7.) SHE LOOKS/TALKS/ACTS TOO HIGH MAINTENANCE.
Outkast couldn’t say it any better. “All the guys would say she’s mighty fine but mighty fine only got you somewhere half the time and the other half either got you cursed out, or coming up short.
Yeah, now dig this, even though you’d need a golden calculator to divide the time it took to look inside and realize that real guys go for real down to Mars girls.” Guys are really simple, ladies.  A lot of the things that chicks stress, guys don’t really pay that much attention to.  He’s not going to write you off because you showed up on the first date wearing the wrong bra with a certain outfit.  After a guy finds you attractive, he’s going to be paying attention to how you are on the inside, who the real you is, and how you interact with the world around you.  If you are equally needy as a newborn koala… a guy is going to freak out.  They can barely deal with their mom telling them to make their beds, how are they going to translate your bitching into sweet music? The saying that beauty is only skin deep is really true and this goes for guys too.  Looks fade, your clothes come off, you could get robbed of every material thing you have… would you still be an interesting person?  Are you a breath of fresh air?  Don’t be so caught up in who your representative is that you forget the most important thing about you… the true you.

8.) SHE GIVES OFF A SINGLE VIBE THAT GUYS CAN SMELL 100 YARDS AWAY.
She just got his number last night and has already called him 3 times just to make sure he made it home okay.  Is she okay? haha  When a woman has been single for a good minute, some vibes that she gives off come out subconsciously and too quickly with new guys. When you call and his phone rings, his ringtone sounds like wedding bells and you get sent to voicemails. lol  Long story short, the single vibes cut a man’s chase short.  The best thing to do is to remind yourself that HE is the hunter and YOU are the gatherer.  Just chill out and let the relationship evolve into what it is meant to evolve into.

9.) SHE EITHER STAYS IN TOO MUCH OR GOES OUT TOO MUCH.
Your future man is not going to be able to walk up into your apartment and watch Will & Grace with you, if he doesn’t even know that you exist. If you stay in too much, you gotta get out and put yourself in social atmospheres where meeting someone is possible.  Go to events with your girlfriends, do some work at a coffee shop, or work out at the gym.  Being out and about will at least open the door to the possibility of meeting a good guy!  On the flipside, if you are the type of girl that is out every single night like its your second job, guys might think that you party way too much to hold a relationship or that you simply are not looking for a man.  Find a good median.

10.) SHE LACKS CONFIDENCE ON THE INSIDE THAT SHE GIVES OFF ON THE OUTSIDE.
You have so much going for you.  It looks great on paper!  However, all your hard work and accomplishments has left zero time for you to pamper yourself, self reflect, and find your true inner goddess. Point blank- you do things for others and not yourself. You project an image of you that you would like to be, but have not yet succeeded internally. You follow the practice, “fake it till you make it.” On the outside you walk and talk like your confident and empowered, but on the inside you are lonely, self conscious, and unconfident. It’s a known truth that if you don’t love yourself, then you sure as hell can’t love another. So stop acting hard. Stop acting like nothing effects you. Leave your masculinity at the office and bring your femininity to the court. That means you need to show a little vulnerability on the outside in terms of being open to love. Stop acting like you don’t care and most importantly start translating that outward confidence inside.