“Damn… I hope he doesn’t turn around and see this man all hugged up on me.”

“Cheating”… you know the definition without fem-fATL breaking it down for you. Perhaps it has happened to you or someone you know.  Perhaps you’ve cheated or someone you know has cheated. Its a hurtful, selfish action motivated by unequal emotional investments in relationships and a world full of temptation. People who have felt this kind of relationship fowl, whether they’ve been the cheater or cheated on, know what kind of pain it brings.  When it hurts so bad, why would people question, “Should I stay or should I go?” Every person has their own threshold for pain, what they can or can not take, and we also must not underestimate the power of love.

"Amber, don't be mad... you can still get it too."

For those of you who find yourselves stuck in a spell under someone who has cheated on you (once, twice, or constantly)… You have got to take this person and their actions towards you as a valuable lesson in your life.  You have to decide what you are truly capable of dealing with.  I have only heard of a few women that have been cheated on and able to overcome the sting.  However, more often than not, cheating causes a lot of insecurities in a partner that instigate arguments and unhealthy directions within the relationship.  In a “relationship” where the boundaries should be defined as two ppl who share a mutual respect for eachother mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually… Cheating breaks several of those boundaries, leaving you feening for self esteem, confidence, and trust.  There is a point where the cheating is just simply GRIMY and DISRESPECTFUL to you as a person. You have been broken in more ways than u know and you won’t see those cracks until you have freed yourself from the relationship.

Check the blades on the wall

How do you leave someone who has cheated on you and you can’t deal with those actions? It seems easy for some, just leave!  You have to know what you expect in a quality relationship and believe that you deserve that.  You have to be the one to be ready to leave because it doesn’t matter what your family and friends tell you.  It is your life and you are the captain.  Take this person and action as someone that was brought into your life to hurt you, to leave you…. And press on.  It is much easier said than done but once you are in a state of “being” and not looking back or too far infront of you, you will realize that this person did not cheat on you, but rather they cheated on themselves.  Teach them that u loved them, tried to help them, and now u are going to leave… Teach them that such an action calls for certain consequences because YOU won’t allow them to hurt you.  Your strength in walking away from a cheater could be the event in their life to allow their own change.”Why is his always phone going off and he’s not answering?!”

First, “[DELETE] the past, [SHIFT] the present, [ENTER] the future” (from @atlcutii )  To walk away from someone you love is as equally difficult as losing someone completely… so trust me when I say that I know this will be hard.  No one said this would be easy!  Anything in life that is worth having never comes easy.  Understand that you may be vulnerable still and that you could easily feed off of anyone that “loves” you or is putting you up on a pedastool.  Your ex can’t get you back that easy, if at all.  You need time to see whether this person is truly apologetic or whether they are just truly guilty about what they did.  They probably are sorry and would never do it to you again… but are they really in love with you still OR are they staying in the relationship because they need to prove their guilt wrong? Walking away means you have to remove contact with this person (no myspace, no facebook, no twitter, no phone calls, no texts… nada)  During this time, you and your partner will both be too vulnerable and sensitive to hold a friendship, so don’t seek attention or poke your nose to keep tabs on your partner…. those doubts are no longer your worries.  You have bigger and better things to focus on, like… yourself.  Let go and let time take its course.  Clarity will build you paths that guide you and give direction… so the sooner you let go, the sooner you will find your way.

 Second, Take care of “Numero Uno.”  Translation for you non Spanish speaking dumbasses (lol)… Number One.  That’s you.  You should always be the number one most important person in your life.  If you aren’t happy and healthy, then you can’t be productive at work, school, friendships, love,… life.  In the beginning, surround yourself with true peoples in your life and talk.  Let it out, cry it out.  Get one good cry in and then, stop.  Constantly talking about the situation and receiving feedback from your equally angry friends and fam will leave your mind in a clouded state.  You gotta release that on your own now.  How? Stay busy and keep your mind occupied on things that generally make you happy (Not food! lol but for example, working out, catching up with nature, art, shopping, traveling, going out with your friends again, going out at night, etc.)  Do things by yourself so that you can gain clarity and get in touch with your inner self again.  This is important in releasing a lot of negativity and pain that you have dealt with… and also for occupying your mind while time passes.

Third,  “Just BE.”  This is one of my favorite inspirational and self-motivating reinforcements to allow myself to be okay with TODAY and today’s promises.  It is important to restore all that love that you have for yourself, especially during this time.  Be okay with just doing you for a while… it is the best thing you can do for yourself after a relationship or after getting cheated on.  You may be lonely, bored, horny, attention starved now… but at least in time, you won’t get involved with someone with only half your heart and a weak mind.  If you try to fill voids by finding another to replace the last… or sample the life of promiscuity with random people you don’t care about… you subconsciously will fuck up that self-esteem and confidence that you need to build.  (Not to mention, you increase your risks for AIDS and other STDs.)  When you get back to 100%, you’ll feel it.  You’ll BE it… and then, you can allow someone to try and match the love that you have for you.

Best of wishes to you, whoever you are that this article might affect.  Hopefully you gained some strength.  Feel free to leave a comment if you’d like to talk and I’ll email you back. If anyone else has good advice… please share! fem-fATL also wants to know… Do you believe that people can be monogamous/faithful?  Should cheating become more acceptable? Do you have any Grimy stories to share with us?