There is nothing wrong if you are satisfied with nothing more than a little bit of safe sex with a hot guy……. that is until you find yourself catching feelings and require more from whoever is tapping that ass. The problem arises when you realize this guy is just giving you hard d*ck and bubblegum and you want more… you want a relationship. You could be everything he wants and needs, but he persists that he is not ready to commit to you no matter how special you are and how much more phone time you get than the other girls. You just became the main chick. Are you concerned that the person you have been talking to has thrown you in the box labeled Main Chick? Check out the definition from www.urbandictionary.com.
Main Chick © -[Mayne Ch-ik]
-Noun. Not a wife, not a girlfriend, but very close to a main squeeze. Usually the favorite girl of several.
Ex. “Is that your wife, your girlfriend, or just your main bitch?”–Ludacris
-Noun. A term for a relationship with a woman that must be sexual, but explicitly cannot be a dating relationship. Implies a lack of any commitment, but further implies that it is the most significant sexual relationship that a person can have.
Ex. “Yo girls, my main chick is calling, I gotta split out on you ladies. See ya tomorrow!” -Ike Turner
-Noun. A woman who has the ability to get closer to her man more than the other girls. This is the only sexual relationsip that a man has that actually has a chance to work out in the long run, but the chance is still infinitely small.
Ex. “Damn baby, you cool as hell and your sex is the shit, but you still won’t meet my mom.” –your dad
I'M JUST SAYIN...
What came to mind was a show on Oprah featuring Steve Harvey, author of Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, where he says:
Women need to understand every man has a plan. Men don’t come up to you to just talk. We come up to you with a plan. We’re looking across the room at you, and we don’t care about your hopes and dreams. We don’t care about what your future holds. We saw something we wanted. When a man approaches a woman he already knows what he wants from her, but he doesn’t know what it will cost. How much time do you want from me? What are your standards? What are your requirements? Because we’ll rise to the occasion no matter how high you set the bar if we want to. The problem is women have stopped setting the bar high.
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD COP THIS!
How to upgrade U from Main Chick to My Chick:
1) LISTEN TO THE GUY.
Men flirt like diarhea of the mouth. Sometimes they flirt because they mean it, other times it strokes their own ego, and pretty much all the time, they do it unconsciously. Have fun flirting with the muthafcker, but then be able to draw the line between BS and REAL TALK. In the first few conversations with a new guy, he’ll real talk about his intentions with you and it is up to you to actually comprehend his message. Let me explain… If a guy says to you, “I’m really just focused on school and getting to that money right now, so I am not looking or ready for a relationship,” He is on a mission and a relationship is not going to stop him! Men don’t say they want to be single like females do to appear strongminded and un-needy, they really speak up when they can’t handle something as intricate as a relationship. It’s funny ’cause we talk shit about guys being dogs and players, unable to commit etc… but really, they are just better at coming to the conclusion and being real about when they can or can’t take on a WOMAN! I give it to you fellas. We, girls, just think we can do it all- including having a love life. So, if you find yourself thinking you can change this man’s mind about relationships– you end up walking into main chick status. He’s not going to turn down your attention, your sex, and your company when he needs it… but he’s also not going to let you claim him or tell his mom about you. You can’t get mad though because he told your ass! You just chose not to listen!
2) MEAN WHAT U SAY AND DO WHAT U SAY.
When involving yourself with someone else intimately, you have to know WHO you are for that relationship to be successful. Go into meeting dudes knowing what you stand for, where you are in life, reasonable expectations for your future, and the level of your emotional state. Are YOU yourself ready to take on a man? Whether you are dealing with a new guy (or a guy you have been talking to for a while), you have to set the bar high and follow through with your actions if you determined that you are ready for a relationship. Don’t act hard and say you are NOT looking for a relationship, when you really are! The dude is going to jump all over that and why not?! He thinks you are on the same no-strings attached page that he’s on. Then, you end up doing wifey type stuff for this man thinking he’ll change his mind and by the time you gave up your goodies, he’s flipped the page and moved on to other stories. You can’t slow down the situation and ask him to take you on a serious tip after you gave it up to him quicker than your local gas station, quiktrip. Just be real about your intentions and let him decide if he’s moving in that direction with you. If he does not respond how you wished, fck it! Keep it moving and see how much more he’ll respect you as a person. You might even move on to someone bigger and better, but more importantly, you would have respected yourself. To get respect, you have to give respect. ;o)
Girls and Guys>>> tell me about your feelings on Main Chick. Is Steve Harvey correct that women have stopped raising the bar?
mahal♥Just B
I think most girls are in the same boat and secretly want a relationship, so being the main chick isn’t enough and can be emotionally straining. It’s annoying not getting what you want or reciprocity.
I think that advice #1 is particularly important. I feel like I’m always going in with some type of intentions, but guys are so much more freelance. But I think you’re right, I think guys generally do say from the get go what they want. We (as girls) just think we can have some magical influence on them and change their minds. And now I know- after a couple fumbles- that you can’t do that.
So girls- you need to take him seriously when he says explicitly or inadvertently that he’s not looking for anything serious. Save yourself the drama or come to terms with the situation you are going to put yourself in.
The problem with main chicks is this: Loving him more won’t make him love you more. As much devotion, loyalty, time spent on dude- you can’t make someone love you. And it sucks because we can be such good girls, but a lot of our efforts go unnoticed and ineffective. I think at the end of the day, the problem main chicks face is that feeling of rejection and the feeling of wasted time. For girls, time is investment, and if you’ve been investing in him for all these years and then the market just crashes… it can be agonizing.
Status Update by Futurista May 18, 2009
MAIN CHICK says she wants an update status
she been down too long
on contract with no title
unentitled by the benefits of a relationship
like security & trust, & just because-
it dont mean she wanna ring on her finger
just don’t want his facebook sayin he single
she don’t wanna be his main gurl
she just wanna be his GURL
go ahead and drop the main
cuz they already doin the do
he’s already sayin I love you
so its not like nothings gonna change
so whats the deal dude?
why you wanna keep her your main chick?
are you afraid to take a risk?
or you got to many girls on your playlist?
that you don’t wanna diss?
or that you’ll miss?
or really… is it just your dick?
She’s been a good girl and she’ll realize,
that despite her efforts to change you,
Main chick’s stay on the sidelines,
and you’re still running your game.
She’s won’t stay if she keeps losing time.
So if she’s the one you wanna keep?
You better make that status update.
Ooooo Weeeeeee somebody give that girl a Poetry Deal!!!!
Thanks for that Futurista… we need to hear you perform.
That’s good. Real good. If I get official, you gotta get on the album.
Thanks Matta-Fact… but what’s your input on “Main Chick”? Why do guys keep girls on that level?!
cant wait till the spoken word drops momma, me my myself im more of “my chick” then main chick..too much work with the whole main chick gig. too much confusion, lead ons and nonsense…just get to the point and be done with it.
i think the “main chick” concept is kind of like having your cake and eating it too. Women allow themselves to hit this status for various reasons. Sometimes they give themselves up easily thinking that they will be loved or have more respect. In reality, this isn’t always the case. I think a great way to avoid staying a guys main chick is to give him some type me ultimato
sorry.. Of ultimatum
Main chick is def letting a guy have his cake and eat it too.
Yes, women become “main chicks” because they dont say what they want at the begining or change their minds on what they want after they have started a sexual relationship. But that does not release men of their role in this phenomenon. Men don’t commit because they dont want to commit and women are not naive creatures that are the victims of some man’s well thought out “plan” as steve puts it. We should not have to have a course of action to get more than the status of “main chick”…that is if we want it. Many people assume that women always want relationships and can’t handle being anything less. Let’s also take into account that not all women have a “plan” of their own to be in a relationship. We must always remember the women who don’t want anything more than a good time. (A-whole-notha topic)…but i digress. I would really like to read Steve Harvey’s book, as this is not the first thing that Ive heard from it, and it all seems to be masogonysitic bull. (such as him saying that men cheat because there are women willing to cheat with them. NO. Men cheat because they want to get their willy wet. THEY CHEAT BECAUSE THEY WANT TO. just like women cheat because they want to.) It is not the responsibility of women to raise the bar to a higher standard it the responsiblity of men to reach a higher standard. The short-coming of men are not the fault of women, it is their own fault, and vice versa. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying men are the devil. I’m just saying that they do what they want, jus like women. They don’t do what they do (hell, or don’t do) because women are not doing their part to make them. That type of mentality is out dated.
Why are guys scared of relationships?!
That last comment was not made by me. it was made by my wack sister who likes to leave comments while im logged in. LOL
@EJANE i’m basically on your boat about steve harvey’s book. a few of the girls in my posse have been praising the book so its probably worth a crack and peek, but i’d definitely read it with an eyebrow arched. lol… i sound so lame. hahahahhahaa
EJane- Thank you for your input. Harvey has a way with keeping readers connected, which is why I believe his book has been successful with the ladies. He speaks from a guys perspective claiming that he doesn’t know the woman’s mind, but rather the man’s mind. One man can’t speak for all men, but in general I think he relays a message of positivity and encouragement for women to be okay with their own standards and to not let standards go just to please men. I agree with you that men will do what they do or don’t do regardless of what women do or don’t do, however I think that if women stick to their own standards (because we all have diff. standards) then regardless of what the man does, a women would not feel totally stripped of herself when shit goes wrong with a guy. I think girls have to raise their standards and I also agree with you that guys should reach high standards too. But, how will a guy know a girl’s standard to reach? (since we are all different, assuming not all of us are looking for a relationship and some of us are.) I thought that was interesting and would like to hear more from you about that. Your input gives me another good lens to look from and guys probably need to read it too… haha. Thanks again. ;o)
@ Futuristas sister–> It’s so funny that you asked that cuz I just came to a recent revelation. (but first a sidebar, this is not about all guys, or even most that Ive dated. I just realized this about my most recent ex-beau, and wondered how…or if…it applies to other guys)
Ok, was dateing this one guy for a year. We had all the components of a relationship (the time, effort, monogomy, the whole nine) except for the title. His excuse? “I just dont do relationships”. What? He would tell me that I was trippin cuz he was giving me everything that i wanted except the title and that wasnt a big deal. I felt that if it wasnt a big deal he could have given it to me. So at one point I started to realize that he would always rag on his friends who had girlfriends. Like “oh she got him” or “he is under thumb” whatever stupid stuff guys say.
So here is where my revelation comes in (ready?) GuYs In ReLaTiOnShIpS aRe NoT cOoL. Sounds silly, but this one guy in particular would rather risk losing me (I know right?) than to risk being ragged on by his football buddies.
I felt like maybe he just didnt want to be with me like that, which could have been possible. But once I started dating someone else who didn’t mind giving me what I wanted, hell he wants it too, the story with “too cool to be tied down guy” changed. He has told me over and over how stupid he was and his biggest regret is not being in a relationship with me.
So not only does this relate to Fusturistas sisters coment, but totally back to the main chick thing. What do you guys think about this? Is this just this one guy? or does is relate to many more? Ive been trying to figure this out, n what better place than a forum on the “main chick” right?
@ just b–> I totally agree. I wish I had read (have read? Had did readed? lol sorry poli sci major, not english.) Steve Harveys book, then I could speak more confidently on that. But, I do feel that women who have those higher standards need to stick to them and men who want a woman with those standards has to hold himself to it as well. I think its silly for a man to want a certain type of woman with certain standards that he cannot uphold himself.
If a guy found out he was the main dude (i.e. one of many) ol girl would be all kinda bitches and ho’s, while all the while he calls up girl number two to move her up to one. Ok, I may be going off on somewhat of a tangent, but the quote from Steves book just made me think of the whole double standard thing in our society and totally rubbed me wrong. But my main point is put the blame where it lies.
I also wanted to say that the advice in the article was very good. Esp number two!! But of course that goes for men and women.
BTW…How Can I get my pic nxt to my name? I wanna be one of the cool kids too! Lol.
Hi Ejane, You need to register your email at http://en.gravatar.com/
Everywhere you use the email you are using to post comments here, the image you associate with that email address will be used!
[...] people (right?), BUT both are uncertain of the boundaries. As a female, you aren’t exactly a MAIN CHICK, but it could be even worse because the guy is simply not claiming you at all. You’re [...]