Here in the “A” every thing is “FRIED, DYED, and FLIPPED TO THE SIDE”!!! I’m not just talking about the weave, I’m talking about the FOOD. Coming from different places all over the Globe, there is nothing like the oil drenched shit that you can stuff your face with here in the Dirty South. For Example: Southern fried chicken, chicken fried steak, and okra rolled in cornmeal and fried in butter, fried bananas, and fried catfish. Last Thanksgiving, I found out that people actually fry TURKEYS. What the hell!? What happened to seasoning the bird and sprinkling olive oil and juices on it and throwing that bitch in the oven!? You know… the healthier way. Well, not gonna lie… I tried some fried turkey and it was hella good. Anyways, not only do atliens fry shit, there is an abundance of fast food and other restaurants that stay open 24 hours. What is more fun than going to Halo, getting wasted off of long island sweet iced teas, and hitting up Waffle House on the way home!? Haha.

I'll take the whole left side of this menu with an apple juice.

When all the fun and games are over, shit isn’t fun when ALL those calories add up and you find that you can’t fit in that little black dress the same way. Parts of your body that you didn’t even know could expand are now dangling on the east and west side, just chillin. You start to see that you look a little bit bigger in your Midnight Socialite pictures and when Atlanta Bitch plays at MJQ, not only are you getting crunk, but so are your love handles and the fat sacks on the sides of your thighs. Hey, Big girls need love too! But, if you are wondering what contributing factors are causing fat cell growth… let’s take a look at the Night Life Diet and how its all wrong for someone who is trying to get it right, get it tight.

Night Life Diet:
1) Eat a Mickey D’s value meal in the car on the way to the club so that you have something in your stomach to absorb the alcohol. Average of 1000 calories.

2) Drink everything FREE from T-Pain at the bar. My average consumption is 4-5 drinks. The average 8 oz. mixed drink contains 300 calories, so let’s do the math. 5 times 300 equals 1500 calories.

3) Leave the spot of intoxication and sober up by stuffing your face with waffles, fried eggs, and grits at Waffle House. Or just go home and eat some mac and cheese, something in the 600-1000 calorie range because the more fat a meal has, the quicker the alcohol will get absorbed and prevent hangovers.

They partied hard in their twenties

So, yea… an average of 3,000 calories between 10 pm and 4 am. And imagine doing this 3 or 4 nights out of the week. Not a good look! For one, we eat during the day like regular people which means the 3000 calories from the nightlife is an addition to the daytime calories. That’s a lot of fucking fat cell production going on! Our bodies metabolize food through out the day and around 7 or 8 pm, it is recommended to cut off food intake so that we don’t store fat while we snooze. By staying out late and not getting sleep, we mess up our biological clocks for other nights when we are trying to stay home and sleep. According to Michael Breus, PhD, a faculty member of the Atlanta School of Sleep Medicine, hormones Leptin and Ghrelin work in a “checks and balances” system to control feelings of hunger and fullness. Ghrelin is produced in the gastrointestinal tract and stimulates appetite, while Leptin is produced in fat cells and sends a signal to your brain when you are full. When you don’t get enough sleep, these hormones work in the opposite effect and cause you to have increased appetite and not know when you are full. Perhaps signals to our brain are also weakened by our intoxicated state. Not only that, our drinks are composed of calories that we seem to forget about because we aren’t eating, we’re just drinking. Those calories are empty calories though and by the end of the night, 5 drinks plus, you might as well have eaten your whole fridge! Another reason why alcohol is a bad component of weight loss, is that our bodies break down alcohol first before it breaks down fats, proteins, and carbs (WebMD). The happy meal you ate before drinking will get on the bottom of the totem pole for processing and breaking down, meaning it will wait in line in your gut. You can still drink, but with everything in life, moderation is the key.  Moderate how often you go out, how much you drink, and what you drink.

200 calories

Next time T-Pain wants to buy shorty a drink, try one of these options:

1. Mojito less mixer, more booze, but still tastes light and refreshing – a good drink for lightweights on a caloric budget. In a 3.5 oz serving, you will only get about 150 calories.

2. Slender Wine no calories and no added sugar. It comes in red, white, and blush varieties. Don’t sleep on some wine… it will creep up on ya.

3. Budweiser Select or MGD 64 I’m not really into beer, but supposedly there are new low-carb beers available with only 100 calories.

4. Sour Apple Martini You will catch me sippin on an apple-tini all night. Its sour alcoholic candy! The great news is that this drink has less than 200 calories.

5. Diet soda cocktails Cut out the extra sugars of sodas (aka calories) that you’ll mix with your already sugary alcoholic beverages. Cut your caloric intake in half. It only makes sense! Don’t be fooled by some orange juice or cran, those juices have sugars comparable to soda, so you are better off mixing your drinks with diet coke or sprite.