After reviewing JustB’s article on the Single Syndrome, it’s not hard to find the section inspired by moi. I’ve heard it a million times from friends and family trying to give me advice when I get the single sulk…. YOU CAN’T TREAT A RELATIONSHIP LIKE A PROJECT.

I know… I know… I KNOW! And so here are my confessions as a relationship/project manager. Well actually I hardly ever make it to relationship status because I think I over-manage during the pitch process! Nonetheless, this is why I’m single:

I’m so filled with the American Dream that I think that if you work hard at anything, you can succeed and have whatever you heart desires. It always seems to be true in other aspects of life- namely school and my career. If I studied hard enough or worked hard enough- I would get my A (+). Now 21 with my master’s degree less then a year a way, a bomb-diggity job as an experience architect/designer, my own place, my own dog, my own car, great friends, great fun… it’s hard for me to wrap my mind around any other approach but hard work and persistence… so I tend to treat potential significant others like a project as well. Not a project in the sense of making someone a better person- it’s more like I expect relationship milestones to be completed by a certain date.

I’ve been more lax in the past year, but traditionally I’m a planning fein. In the past, I had everything scheduled and documented in my calendar- including time to hangout with my friends and personal time. I was so busy, I had to instigate a wednesday night bath night just to relax! It’s not surprising then that I would be single. I’m more often then not too busy and concerned with myself. Any potential interest in a guy I might have- has to squeeze into my ridiculous schedule, which means I struggle with just ‘going with the flow.’ I need(ed) to know, I need(ed) to plan. Planning is my way of TRYING to make something work.

Guys always say, “Let’s just see where it goes.” And when two people meet that’s how it should work. You can’t have these ridiculous expectations off the bat. You can’t be too uptight. You have to have a sense of spontaneity. Unfortunately the idea of going with the flow frightens me when it comes to men because time is precious, time is money, time (to women especially) is an investment. If you want to be productive and complete projects rather then just starting new ones all the time, you have to establish requirements and expectations in the beginning. But of course in relationships- that’s way too SERIOUS.

Some women fear leaving a man who she has put in the time with because again relationships to women are investments. My fear starts before all that- in the dating period. Dating is like this horrible thing invented. I love ♥ like any girl, but sometimes I wish I just lived in a society that had arranged marriages… then I wouldn’t have to go through the horrendous dating process and all the time wasting I loathe. The first level of time wasted is going out on dates that have no potential (because everyone says to give it a chance so you do…) or where its obvious there is no connection. The second level is when you like someone and you waste all that time getting to know someone, putting yourself out there, and then it goes to NOWHERE LAND… because after all- you were just going with the flow! And at that point I don’t feel heartbroken, I feel FAILURE like I got fired or a B.

And that’s when we get to another problem of treating relationships like projects. I said at first that in my mind if you work hard enough at anything it will pay off. I’ve trained myself to always give 100%… including relationships with the opposite sex. I either fall hard (100%) or not at all (0%) when it comes to guys. When I fall for a guy or start a project, I become way too focused. My sister describes it as tunnel vision! Work/men become my target/object of affection.

I don’t have a player mentality at all, and really as much as I can multi-task, I can’t handle more then one guy at a time because I’ve already allocated 100% to one. This is a major major problem and (I hope) I’ve learned that it’s senseless to put all your eggs in one basket. I think one of the first things my current boss told me when she was interviewing me was the diversity of my company’s clients. If one of our clients went under (in economic times such as NOW), our company would be resilient because it wasn’t dependent on just that one client or industry. In the pitch process, you are up against competitors. You win some and you loose some. It doesn’t make sense to be putting in the work and getting burned (or burning hours), so keep your options open until an SOW is signed! (LOL… so many inside jokes for my coworkers)

When you are a workaholic its difficult to separate yourself from your work. As much as you maybe vested in a project, you need to be able to walk away in a healthy manner. You need to be aware when your emotions are putting a project at stake and you aren’t the best person for the job. Think Spock and Captain Kirk! A workaholic in a relationship/project manager position is more or less psychotic, controlling, and too much for anyone. Remember relationships are like a two-person team and it requires collaboration and reciprocity. You simply can’t put in all the work. You’re 100% is only 50% in the grand scheme of things; additional and weekend hours don’t apply to the cost of the project (sorry). So as I say, “Loving him more, won’t make him love you more.” If your client/guy doesn’t have the budget (in terms of attention, emotion, etc.) to match your offer, remember that you can always scale back on the scope of your offer or OPT OUT.

Self-awareness is a booger. I recognize that my approach to romantic relationships doesn’t work. And I can single sulk or I can change. It’s time to throw away the old project plan and just start from working with scratch…